TIME

Because i keep finding myself running and out of breath in stupid alleyways I have become obsessed with optimising my time. I have read much about the merits and disadvantages of being either male or female regarding what they keep calling "multi-tasking".

So I have decided to try myself.

My achievements have been irregular, unlike my determination. I have tried (I now always do) to sleep with my glasses on. While I put out the alarm I am already scratching my buttocks and when, subsequently, I inspect the fragrance on my fingers I am already switching on off lights the hob kettle air extraction fan and my perception of you.

I have been thinking for a while of brushing my teeth and smoking at the same time and only the other day I finally tried it. Outstanding. One of my finest moments. It is long since I already shave and smoke at the same time but the logistics of foaming in my mouth, flossing and rinsing together with smoking has required a perfecting technique that I can, precisely, follow in the right sequence and order.

Merely expanding on the same idea I have tried having a shower and smoking at the same time. And this, my friends, is exhilarating fun! It is actually much easier than you would think, do try it.

Disappointingly, I cannot manage to arrive at the tube station any earlier.